I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
