My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
