just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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