GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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