Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
