Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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