I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
