her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He better not be in your backpack
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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