She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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