Got a toothbrush?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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