I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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