look no pants
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
