drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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