dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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