it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
