Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
