She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize