I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
