in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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