Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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