Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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