If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
