have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
