Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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