Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
