addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
