It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
