you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
