shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
