Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
