dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
