Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
