her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
