Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
