I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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