my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize