were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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