I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
