I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
