No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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