I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
