We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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