I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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