Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
