Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
