I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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