i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
