he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize