You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
