very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize