Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
