it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
