i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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