I wish my penis had an off switch
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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