I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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