doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
