So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
