I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
