I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
