Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
did i walk over a car last night?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
