yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I supernannyed him into submission
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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