My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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