i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
