I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
