her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
