He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
