so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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