sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
