my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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