I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
